The thing everyone loves about my son worries me

Their dad said something about his favourite car. I don't even remember which one.

And my boy said:
"Yeah… that's my favourite too."
Same answer his dad just gave.

He does this a lot.

I used to think he just liked what his dad liked.
Then I started watching his face before he answered.

He checks his dad's face first, then he answers.

Maybe he's seven and really does love whatever Dad loves.
Maybe there's more to it.
I don't know yet.

But I notice.

“He’s such a sweetheart!”
“He doesn’t give you much trouble, does he.”

That's what people say about him. No fight about the shoes, the food, the change of plan (most of the time).

And I stand there while they say it, a little… cold… about it.
Because those were the things adults liked about me too.

I was good at reading what the adults wanted and giving it to them, fast, before anyone had to ask.
Straight A's.
The one nobody had to worry about.

I called it being good.
Everyone else did too.

So when I see my son check someone's face before he answers, I notice. I don't know if he's doing what I did.

I just don't want “easy for me” to be the only measure I use for how well he's doing.

The kids who push back make us look.
We google the tantrum. We ask why they're fighting every boundary. Wonder what we're doing wrong.

The easy moments don't send us searching.
Your kid agrees. Gets in the car. Eats the thing. Says "okay."
Great. Next.

And most of the time, maybe it really is great.

But I've started paying attention to the behaviours I like most too.
Especially the ones I was praised for as a kid.

Because inconvenient behaviour gets our attention while the “convenient” one can disappear right in front of us.

So I've started making more room for him to disagree with me. Tiny things. Nothing life-or-death.

"Which one do YOU like?"
"What do YOU think?"

And then I try to shut up (so hard!) and catch what I do when his answer is different from mine.

I want to make sure I'm not giving him a reason to have to agree with me.

Catch one tiny moment this week when your child has a different opinion from you for something small(ish).
Food. Clothes. Music. A movie.

Before you respond, notice yourself.

Your face, your tone.
How quickly you explain why your choice is better.
Whether you ask them to reconsider.

Then ask yourself: How easy is it, actually, to disagree with me?

And next time their answer is different, practice letting it be different.

No convincing. No "are you sure?" No face that tells them you preferred the other answer.

Let them have it.